"Fathers be good to your daughters...
...daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers and turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too."
This John Mayer song is played, or I should say overplayed on the pop stations these days. When I first heard it, it struck a chord. My daughter is not fatherless, but, for all intents and purposes, she is at a great disadvantage in the father department. She is one year old, and since she was two months old, only sees her dad twice a week, a total of eight hours per week. Is this enough father-daughter bonding time, I wonder? What will happen when she is a teen, desperately seeking daddy's approval? Oh, I hope she is strong. I hope and pray that she gets enough of the love and nurturing she needs to be able to have healthy, productive relationships.
There is something about the lyrics of this song that troubles me, however. The reason the song is sung, is because the voice is frustrated with this woman he is in love with, because she is unable to love him- or at least she is unable to receive his love. So he sings to all the fathers to treat their daughters well so he (and all the other men in the world) can have a better lover. Hmmm. Not exactly the noblest of intentions. Is this the only reason for our existance as women? I am by no means a feminist, but to simplify the woman's role as being a lover and a mother aggrivates me. These are important aspects of our life's work, but we are so much more than the sum of these two parts.
I know, it is just a song, but apparently it is making an impact, mostly on women. I read some reviews on Amazon, and I don't think the "father audience" even listens to John Mayer, all of the reviews were posted by women. The father-daughter relationship is critical in a young girl's life to allow her to develop a strong sense of self. If a girl doesn't have a loving, healthy father role during those crucial pre-adolescent and adolescent years, she is in for some really tough times, but she certainly isn't doomed. We all are responsible for ourselves, and we can only blame so much on bad parenting. After we become mature adults we need to realize and accept that we are no longer governed by our parents, that we live according to our own choosing.
posted by Joyella @ 10:06 AM
3 Comments:
I was randomly looking through blogs this morning and decided to read yours because I really like John Mayer's music. According to the "keywords by song" that you find in the cover of the cd, "Daughters" is a bittersweet ballad that gives advice about family.
I don't know John Mayer, so I can't speak for him, but I would say the idea is noble. He's asking fathers to do their job. The true structure of a family is one that includes a father who models for his daughters what a good husband and father should look like. Daughters look for husbands that are like their fathers, consciously or sub-consciously.
I'm thankful that my in-laws raised a good son and that my parents were wonderful parents. We can attribute our healthy relationship partially to them. That's noble.
The idea of wanting fathers to be good to their daughters for the sake of the daughters is noble. What is sung of, is about self-interest. Fathers be good, because daughters love like you do...they become lovers...He is thinking about himself, and selfishness is not noble.
Interesting take on it, Joyella.
I see it completely different. I don't think he is frustrated because his lover isn't loving him adequately as in a sexual manner, I think he feels the love he has for her as a human being is frustrated because of a lack of healthy relationship with her father.
I agree. As adults we are responsible for ourselves, but as one who never had a daddy, I will miss it for the rest of myself and it is not something I can just "get over" due to my physical age. Dads do matter and they contribute to the health of their female offspring and help shape her ability to trust, love, and share her life with a man.
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