"It's not you, it's me"

These are the famous break-up words that we all know too well, either from experience, or from Jerry Seinfeld. I have heard them all too many times over the past ten months, and am beginning to think that there is some truth in that statement. It is all too easy to take this whole separation personally, as a personal rejection, which in some ways it is. That is really hard. Not that I think I am perfect, no, but that after ten years of marriage and three before that of dating, one would think that there is something worth holding on to there. But it isn't really about me, it is about M's discontent. His world view, morality, and values have all shifted to center, not on God, but on himself. This new perspective doesn't jive with the sacrifices and intimacy required to make a marriage work. Marriage, I believe, is intrinsically good. It was instituted by our creator, and intended to bring about good. "It is not good for man to be alone." M used to agree with me here, I remember listening to a Mars Hill audio tape on the subject years ago, and how in agreement we were as we listened. He no longer holds this view either, it has been replaced with the idea that marriage is simply a social construct that helps to provide stability for children and society.

So I have failed to provide him with any really good excuses to leave, other than the fact that he doesn't want to be married, (or should I say, isn't sure about it) and that above all, he values autonomy. Hmmm. If only I were mean, grotesque (two points he himself sited), a bad cook or brutal mother would I understand this rejection, but then again, it isn't me, it's him.