Codependent no more

We hear the term "codependent" thrown around a lot in pop psychology, but as I have found, not many of us lay folk really understand what it means to be codependent. I have been reading up on the subject, as it relates to my particular situation, and this is what I have learned:

You could be codependent if:
*you have an over or underdeveloped sense of responsibility
*you "stuff" your feelings, have lost the ability to feel or express feelings because it hurts too much
*physically/emotionally isolated and are afraid of people, especially authority figures
*are addicted to approval/excitement and have lost own identity in the process
*living as a victim
*judge self harshly and/or have low self-esteem
*very dependent and terrified of abandonment
*experience guilt feelings when standing up for onesself
*have become chemically dependent or compulsive

But, codependency, as I have experienced it is simply a losing of my identity to please someone else, or to avoid anger, rejection, or to receive love and acceptance. Put simply, in a codependent relationship, only one person's needs are being met at the expense of the other person's.

Perhaps one of the things that brought the conflict of M and myself to a head was my beginning to stand up for myself in regards to my faith. I was no longer conforming to his identity, and he had even said he hoped I would join him on this "project" (of agnosticism). It was his change that forced me to stand up for myself. I had no idea that it would cost me so much at the time, I just knew that it was right. I could not deny Christ for the sake of my marriage.

So here I am, figuring out what went so horribly wrong, and how to make myself better, stronger and less susceptible to repeating the same mistakes. I have become much more confident in many areas, I am even friendlier to strangers (but that is another story-perhaps I will write about the greenbeans another day), I have been forced to make many decisions and take on many responsibilities, but also have learned to seek out help and support when I need it. I feel pretty good about what I have gained thus far, I am not sure it makes up for my losses at this point, however, I am much healthier and that is a good thing.