unwed

We had the hearing last Friday. My father and I arrived at the courthouse about twenty minutes early, and because I had a camera in my purse had to dispose of it...Dad volunteered to take it back to the car, so I waited and people watched for a few minutes. Interesting characters coming in and out of the building at quarter till nine in the morning. After dad came back we made our way to the small dingy grey room. I wasn't so sure which side to sit on, but on t.v. the plaintiff sits to the right so that is where I decided to sit. There were others there waiting for the same dismal reason. As I sat on the hard wooden pew bench I thought of the day we were married. I was proudly escorted down the aisle by my father in the dress I made. I stood on his other side then, on the other side of the aisle in a church. Instead of the groom waiting for his bride...I was the bride-not-to-be-anymore awaiting my groom for our anti-wedding. He came with his "best man" and while the uncomfortable silence was deafening, I instantly recognized his voice just outside the door. They came in together and sat on the opposite side of us whispering about something. At around nine fifteen the Master appeared and swore us in. No bibles. Just raise your right hand and swear to tell the truth. Does raising one's hand make them more truthful than usual, I wondered. I was then asked to come forward to a table and sit down to answer some questions. To all but one the answer was, "Yes". I forgot to address him as "Your Honor". The hardest question of all was, "Is there any reasonable hope of reconciling?" "No," I replied, and as I said it it stung. After my dad gave his testimony to verify the facts, it was over. M didn't have to say anything, and neither did his witness. I shall be getting some paper in the mail making it official. All those years undone in a matter of minutes.

I am glad of the closure, the end of the limbo period. I like definition in my life. What I haven't liked is this new title I wear like a giant scarlet D.